Tag Archives: Humor

Possibly the best TV advert? EVER!! (Oh yes!!)

29 Mar

If you live here in the UK, you have probably seen this excellent advertisement for Moneysupermarket (Comparison site) that features Skeletor, Iconic 80’s cartoon villain. All I can say, is Brilliant! By far the best advert I have seen in a long, long time!
So for the benefit of my international visitors who may not have seen this great piece of video, here it is…

I can’t tell you how much this ad made me laugh out loud! Just gotta love that epic dancing Skeletor!!

(Note: Updated with new video link as the previous was not playable outside the UK! Enjoy!)

The Semalt Saga, the next chapter…The sad tale of Andrew Trimchenko.

30 Dec

Mr Trimchenko

There once was a scammer called Trim(chenko),

Who sent a late email to our Grim,

He laughed at the traffic bout semalt,

Grim told em’ the trouble’s their fault,

And that he was a Ukrainian crim!!

Before I begin, I warn you who are easily offended by obscenity, foul language and crudity, it’s going to get worse, This apology is solely to my readers, and not those who are affiliated by Semalt (which can go fuck) I do try to keep it generally “clean” here, but if you know me personally, you’ll not be surprised at how much filth I spout on a daily basis. Please, dear reader, continue….

To be honest with you, with all the strife I’ve had this last half of the year, the subject of that annoying Semalt has been far from my mind, somewhat unimportant compared to real life. So, when I looked at my mail yesterday, I was surprised to find a reply to one of the countless emails I had sent to them in response of them attempting to make out that I was endorsing the site via a link on their blog. To be truthful, I had totally forgotten I’d sent it (I did attempt to spam them with loads of messages to take the piss, but to no avail) I did think that they’d disapeared up their own ass. Obviously, I was wrong.

When I opened it, I really was a bit miffed to say the least, partly down to being a bit pissed off already, and its contents (maybe I’m taking it the wrong way, their smug attitude tends to get me angry) but anyway, I’ll let you know what it said.

From Andrew Timchenko- Re: Knock Knock, who’s there?, Me, Me who? Remove my links from your sites. (Each email subject I sent had similar titles as I recall, I did start polite, I think, but since they kept ignoring me, I may as well have been writing “fuck fuck fuck etc etc” as they weren’t going to do as I asked)

Ha-ha
I see you have a lot of benefits from your semalt activity )))
(Here was an Alexa link to try and suggest that something like 30% of search engine traffic was semalt related, I’ve omitted it as I find that the data from Alexa is very sketchy regardless of how much I attempt to make sure it’s accurately represented, trust me I gave up a long time ago!)
 
Maybe you shouldn’t write about game industry and start your own blog about Semalt using our affiliate links.
Just think about it ))) 
Best regards,
Andrew Timchenko
Senior Sales Manager on Semalt

It might not seem too bad, but personally I think its taking the piss (British slang for “adding insult to injury” etc)

Why? well to start with it’s a reply to a message sent beards ago, that still as far as I know, they didn’t bother with until now. Secondly, Ha ha? what do you fucking mean, Ha ha? Hey Timchenko, you frigging prick, you think your funny do you? it just shows your smugness and dickish attitude to users of the web, who have been affected by your shady shitmalt site. Showing me a tenuous half arsed link to justify your “funny” just shows how much of a spaz you are. Do you think I give a shit? You obviously sent this to me to piss me off, or am I mistaking your attempt at humor for some truly wonderful beneficial advice? Are you listening Andy? I know you are, you know full well that everything you send me relating to this saga, will be published, satirised, and lampooned. I truly do not give a flying fuck, you Ukrainian knobsack. The reason I’m annoyed, is not that I’m insulted by your feeble humor, it’s like a stupid child yapping on about crap before someone kicks the shit out of them.

What do you think it would achieve? You really must enjoy making yourself and semalt look even bigger cunts than everyone thinks already. I’m not saying that I’m a comedy genius, but pleeeaase Bitch, I’m British, our entire culture is based on sarcasm and humorous observation because the place we live is constantly crappy (Well, I’m talking about the weather, you probably live in fear of Russian troops breaking into your house and fucking you up the ass! (or perhaps you secretly long for it, you dirty sovblok fucker!)

Yes, of course I could take your grand advice and stop blogging about the game industry (guess what asswipe, I tend to blog about what so ever I feel like, have you realised that a good proportion here is just random gubbins? No, your too busy wanking off (to be clear, wanking means masturbation if you don’t understand) to your pictures of Vladimir Putin. I’ll stop writing about the games industry, when you go and rub your bell end on a cheese grater. I couldn’t ever imagine writing anything that supports your corrupt and scamming piece of web diarrhoea. You may not understand that not everyone is obsessed with ripping people off, or fucking them over for your magnum opus later on. I do what I do not only for my own promotion, but for fun. You must think that your so professional with your stupid message? Or is it that you are genuinely trying to get me on side? Either way it’s retarded (but hey, I always thought you looked a little spong eyed, no wonder your master plan bit the big time)

On second thoughts, I reckon the only way I’d succumb to your side would be if the lovely Natalia to come over here and discuss the virtues and benefits of joining your side. I imagine her seductively draped over satin sheets, wearing nothing but a fur coat, urging me to join her in a warm embrace all James Bond style. Oh I can assure you that I’d be giving her something better shaken, but not stirred (and with lashings of my very own Semalt from my loins!) A night with me, she’d be walking like john Wayne for ages after, make no mistake! It’s been suggested that the lovely Natalia could in fact be a robot (adding more to the Bondish mystery to her) but hey, in all honesty, even if she was a robot, I’d still give her one!! (well, several in fact) Maybe if you want a more civilised response out of me in future, get her to message me instead of you, shit for brains. Ask her if she’d like me to skype her? Hell yeah, I’d do her in every way I can think (and trust me I’d make shit up for the occasion) I was actually under the impression that she was involved with one of you ugly freaks? Is that true? Pity, cause I’ve seen pictures of the male staff there and you look like a right set of mongos. Natalia, Babe, if your reading this, come and see me sometime and I’ll show you it’s not just the upper lip that is stiff with us Brits!!

What really puzzles me is that, I didn’t plan on even mentioning Semalt again, I thought it had crawled away to die alone in the woods, mortally wounded by russian snipers. You just had to bring up your hilarious laugh a minute quip about my semalt related traffic! What you fail to get, is that yes Semalt did bring me traffic, but only from concerned webmasters and bloggers, not from endorsements praising you on the greatest SEO pointless corporate, and souless abortion of this type of site the world has ever seen. You really need to stop fucking around with those discarded guns from your civil war/invasion, because you just keep shooting yourself in the foot, again and again. Try pointing it at your head next time and spare me your sub par efforts in stand up comedy. Every time you bring Semalt to my attention, your going to do more damage than good. It’s actually funny you suggested making a blog about Semalt, as there’s plenty of posts on here that give you an idea of what the articles would be like, all piss and vinegar!

Why the fuck do you think that after all the negative publicity that you are even taken seriously? A simple google search for semalt reveals not just my past derogatory posts, but countless top tech security sites, warning of your dodginess. Now, you’ve just shot back up to the search listings with my latest critique, no doubt it’ll raise a few laughs and chortles in professional circles of the SEO world, at just how inferior Semalt is. You might argue that this site is nothing and purile, all but a childish effort, but I genuinely don’t care, this is an extension of me and my psyche.(Yes, I’m generally childish and purile, so it makes sense) I think that you must enjoy trying to goad me, your like a perv that sticks drawing pins in his scrotum for fun. Dirty boy!

You just give me something funny to write about every time, and my readers seem to like it too.

Remember all the times you blocked us from posting our opinions on your various outlets, time and time again we were censored in case perspective semalt users would be turned off by what we had to say. A typical Sovblok tactic isn’t it?, but just remember sites just like this and many others are not restricted and gagged. We will always speak our minds and there’s fuck all you can do about it.

Have a crappy new year, Andy.

On another note, I’m rather looking forward to the next feeble effort they send to me, I guess I’m going to have to face facts… The Grinning Skull is now at war with semalt. Lets hope they send the organ grinder to the front next time rather than one of the monkeys. Although, Natalia or the other tasty blonde are more than welcome to come and spank my very own monkey if the so desire, or even grind my organ! Up for a double team girls? (Not the other one with the fat round face though, shes a bit of a minger, don’t you think?)

So, I issue this challenge, How do ya like them apples? Is that your best effort?

Tune in next time for the next exciting episode of The Grinning Skull.

Will Andrew overcome his fear of clown rape? Will Nat and Grim make sweet music together? Will the master plan of semalt’s ruling dark circle be revealed?

Find out next time……..

 

Weird 15mm Games I should run: Zombies On The Buses…

7 Jul

zomonthebuses

I have some weird ideas for wargames, and while most can be somewhat surreal at times, there are some that really stick in my head. A lot of these would be ideal games for conventions as they aren’t really ideas you’d use in a campaign over the course of a few sessions. These would prove to be a great laugh and fun games, and just maybe it might inspire someone to have a go…

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Cannibals and Corpses (No, it’s not a Roleplaying game, or a band. It’s real!)

3 Apr
Cannibalism, Brazil. Engraving by Theodor de B...

Cannibalism, Brazil. Engraving by Theodor de Bry for Hans Staden’s account of his 1557 captivity. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Following on from this weeks finale in The Walking Dead, what with their suspected terminus cannibal types, I thought I’d take it upon myself to guide you to a few choice real world tales of flesh munchers and cadavers.

On the theme of people eaters, that being cannibals to me and you, firstly I want to show you the recent report of what has been dubbed the cannibal cafe. You won’t see Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver here, but what you will see is human head on the menu (and I don’t mean the customers getting a BJ, it’s real human head!) The funny thing is that it seems like they did have customers, so it makes you wonder how widespread cannibalism is in the world. Sure, it’s certainly taboo, it would be naive to think it doesn’t happen anymore after thousands of years of human evolution, peppered with all sorts of human munching for various reasons of cuture, nessesity and madness.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/africa/cannibal-restaurant-with-roasted-human-heads-on-the-menu-shut-down-by-police-9123693.html

The next bit of cannibal craziness is a most definitely 21st century spin on the theme, and some would even argue that this is even actually cannibalism (which in my opinion it is) This company hopes to take samples from the famous and then lab grow their meat to be eaten by others! I can’t see this being cheap since with the recent lab grown meat experiments costing a whole stack of cash, add on the cost of obtaining the original samples of the subjects, then the real costs of doing the do, then the hype and nonsense, then the cannibal costs (the privilage of eating long pig etc) then I surmise, this isn’t something you’ll just be able to get on the way back from the pub on a weekend like the humble dona kebab, and you’d have to be among the elite to afford it.

“It’s made out of people!” Making meat from celebrity tissue samples.

Of corpses, or not corpses (well, he is now anyway) with the story of the guy who was suspected dead, and woke up in a morgue. Well, two weeks after the incident, he died! It makes you wonder why he actually bothered, unless he’s going to wake up again in another two weeks and this is going to be a regular thing. I feel sorry for his family, it’s going to cost them a shit load in funerals!

http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20140313/NEWS/303130055/Miss-man-who-woke-up-body-bag-two-weeks-ago-dies?gcheck=1&nclick_check=1

More corpses, and the news that it seems likely that the infamous Black death was not as it was thought, spread by rat fleas, but it was airbourne. If you remember the old rhyme, ring O roses, “atichoo, atichoo, we all fall down” seems to be in line with some sort of flu type of strain and not infection from flea bites. Since when do you sneeze from getting bit by a flea? (I might be wrong, but the new synopsis seems more plausable in my opine!) What does bother me is, exhuming plague victims corpses doesn’t sound like a great idea since things like viruses, bacteria and such can lie dormant for thousands of years. Why is it a good idea to start digging up plague pits and fucking around with them? Whatever they do, the scientists can stay the fuck away from me! (and make sure they wash their hands!)

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/mar/29/black-death-not-spread-rat-fleas-london-plague

I’ll be back later with some recent developments in clown news…..

 

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Ooooow, you cheeky Starblazer you!

9 Jul

DSCF2689

I recently managed to get hold of a bundle of vintage “Starblazer” comics to help inspire me with a bit of retro sci-fi for my projects. I did bag them at a pretty good price, considering that I see them about individually for up to £3 a piece, 15 for just over a fiver is a steal! I thought they were in decent condition, until I took a look through PLANET OF FEAR

DSCF2690

Typical 80’s schoolboy humour!

As you can see on page 33 of the issue, someone back in the day has drawn on a huge set of cock and balls on one of the main characters in the story! Not only that, there’s a speech bubble with the phrase “Suck it Creep!” too, no doubt pertaining to his endowment!

DSCF2691

Over on the previous page, there’s also a bit more defacement in the book, again with the usual cock and balls (Always it seems with the cock and balls!)

I think a lot of comic collectors would be aghast, but not me. This kind of antic just went on more to remind me of the 80’s, when I was actually reading Starblazer, 2000AD and Spiderman etc! We used to do exactly the same as this, defacing everything from comics, to library and text books! All in the vain attempt to make each other snigger and laugh at school!

I’m pretty sure there will be no value to this copy anymore, but that’s fine, it gave me a good laugh when I read it, as well as a great nostalgia buzz!

Peace out…..

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